A little bit of randomness.

Try again tomorrow.

spiritualinspiration:

Having Mountain Moving Faith

I am dying to learn photography.

(Source: adropintheocean-bs, via beforeweallburnout)

Close your eyes

And rest your head

My little one

Forever more

I keep you

In my heart

In the dead of night

I hear your cries

My little one

And I shall sing you a song

And as you sleep

Through your door

Moonlight creeps

I hear your voice

Soft and gentle

A silent whisper

You and I

Shall never part

You are with me

Forever more

In my heart

(Source: pigsgorawrr, via harrypottergeneration1234)

Still not sleeping.

It’s catching up on me.

Perhaps I am turning into a vampire?

Been thinking… Fairly sure I want to do OT, but so many people are expecting me to do this (perhaps coz I talk about it so much :P) it makes me apprehensive and question everything. Is it really what I want to do? Or do I just think it is coz someone suggested it and I sorta grasped onto the idea? Also, I have this sinking feeling that I am giving up on psych in choosing not to be a psychologist. This is stupid! I am still finishing the degree! I will have a degree in 6months!!! Besides there is so much scope in mental health for OTs that I could essentially have the best of both worlds. Gah. I think too much.

Last night when I asked husband what he honestly thinks I would be good at, he replied with “whatever I apply my mind too”. I like the idea of that. I do try hard. Even now in my psych degree, I try hard to get the best marks I possibly can.

I am one of those people that doesn’t really have a huge passion for anything. I have to try really hard to be actively involved in things. Maybe it’s coz I get too easily distracted, or possibly because I am interested in a lot of things it’s hard to narrow it down and and be super passionate about a single thing. Because of this people call me a phase person. I am scared that when I finish study I will get out into the real world and not like  the career I have put years of effort into getting into. SIGH. At the end of the day I suppose I just need to remember that everything in this world is temporary and the most important thing is glorifying God in everything I do.

Conclusion: I think too much and don’t sleep enough.

(Source: gunsounds, via beforeweallburnout)

The last week I have been an emotional train wreck. Not sleeping well, exhausted, a million assignments due and crying left, right and centre. One could say I am not coping with life at the moment. Nothing major, it’ll pass.
Recently someone commented on how stable, down to earth and in control I appear. This is not what is felt. How do I allude such a persona?
Last weekend I went home. Things are different than I expected. Perhaps it’s just that I moved away and forgot. It seemed worse though.
A while ago a significant person in my life had some sort of breakdown. They haven’t been the same since. There have been scary moments, heart shattering moments and glimpses of the person that was once there - but they don’t last. Selfishly, I so desperately want them to be the way they used to be. My head clouds over and I want to cry. I don’t like to talk about it. Maybe I can pretend it’s not real. Maybe I know too much. Maybe I don’t know enough. Maybe I always jump to the worst conclusions. The more I learn about mental health, the more complex and messy it seems and the less I understand.
My dreams are filled with the fear of what I cannot say out loud. I dread being left behind. Again.
I am afraid to admit this because I don’t want them to hold information from me. Anyway, maybe (hopefully) it’s all in my head. Maybe other memories are too fresh. Most likely my tired brain is playing tricks on me. Certainly I need sleep.

I still want them back, the way they were. Before.

Selfish.

Today I am feeling a little emotionally on edge.

Don’t know why.

Perhaps my emotions are broken?

I have no motivation to do anything. I haven’t even been running lately, which is weird for me.

I am behind on study. My marks are down.

All in all I feel a tid bit lost.

Need to get my mojo back.

Was super psyched for next year (start occupational therapy), but there is this voice in my head that is questioning everything.

SIGH. Maybe I should talk to someone.

But who?

I have been praying to stop being such a downer and less self focussed.

I am married. Shouldn’t I have things sorted by now?

(Source: romanceinthedarkness, via harrypottergeneration1234)